Apparently Twelve Mile Circle readers aren’t exactly aficionados of the Reality Television trend. Unfortunately my Jersey Shore article resonated with a distinct thud. I still think it’s rather odd to have a town called Jersey Shore in the middle of Pennsylvania, a solid four hour drive away from the nearest ocean. However, I’ve come to learn over time that my tastes diverge from the 12MC audience’s tastes and that’s fine. No harm no foul. But my fascination didn’t end with this one instance as you will learn. Some of you may wish to skip today and come back later in the week.
So I continued to fixate on this reality kick. I wanted to understand more about geographic features sharing a name and a possible embarrassment by coincidental association with the genre. Thus I figured a list of reality television programs might be a good place to start. I have to admit the sheer number of shows impressed me. There are hundreds of them. It won’t be long before all of us have to deal with cameras and paparazzi.
If I Had My Own Show
I’m going to call mine “Geogeek the Boundary Hunter.” They’ll pull it off-the-air about ten minutes into the initial episode somewhere around Southwest Stone 4 during a protracted explanation of retrocession. That’s when the audience realizes it won’t get any more exciting than that.
Back to the point. I glanced through the list of shows intent on finding likely candidates. First, I discarded obvious choices such as the Real Housewives franchise with geographic identities hard-wired into their titles (e.g., The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills). So I searched for accidental associations only.
The Bachelor
The Bachelor involves a single man in search of a potential wife amongst women willing to do just about anything to further their budding television careers. In other words, everyone on this show deserves each other. Also, the chances of a successful marriage happening as a result of the show are exceedingly remote.
Speaking of exceedingly remote, that would probably describe Bachelor, Missouri. Sad and forlorn might be more apt. Maybe next season The Bachelor could relocate here and help rejuvenate the town a bit. If not, 150 other geographic features bear the name Bachelor in the United States, including Mt. Bachelor in Oregon which I visited last summer.
The Apprentice
Donald Trump could consider a new locale for his Apprentice series. He’d probably feel right at home at Apprentice Tank — a small water reservoir — in Apache County, Arizona. Google Maps calls this “Old Tank” although the US Geologic Service uses “Apprentice Tank” and that’s the definitive source so I’ll go with that one. It fits the narrative better.
Survivor
Survivor is one of the granddaddies of the Reality Television universe. It’s a true, umm… survivor. Most of these shows don’t last but a season or two. However Survivor continues to chug along into something like its twenty-fifth season now. It’s hard to imagine that there are many more places left for the contestants to survive at anymore. Maybe they could go to the wilds of Central Park in New York City or something like that. Oh wait, someone already did that one.
Another option might be Survivors Hill in Shasta County, California which summits at 6,490 feet (1,978 metres). Certainly there are more impressive Cascades crests nearby. Chaos Crag immediately to the west has an interesting name. Nearby Lassen Peak certainly has a height advantage at 10,462 ft. (3,189 m). Nonetheless I’ll stick with the name that equates to Reality TV gold and select Survivors Hill.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
How can I not mention Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? What a train wreck of a show. This one has somehow and very improbably burst upon the reality scene to pull ahead of the pack. Can anyone admit honestly that he or she hasn’t at least taken a five minute peek at it just to try to understand what the buzz is about? I have. That’s all I could withstand in a single sitting. It’s like driving past an accident and slowing down to assess the damage. Perhaps some of you may be stronger willed than I so I shouldn’t be so judgmental. I’m not known for having much willpower.
I was disappointed to learn that the family lives in McIntyre, Georgia because I found a perfect place for them: Boo Boos Lake. It’s located in Crawford County, Missouri directly next to a trailer park. And it looks to be fairly upscale judging by the quantity of double-wides. The show might as well have a suitable location as it exploits a family and panders to stereotypes. One wonders if the family’s newfound affluence and notoriety deriving from the show will somehow end up ruining its appeal? It doesn’t matter. Plenty of shows will line up to take its place.
Feel free to go to the list and suggest other real world locations for reality television shows.
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